30 Before 30

You saw it, didn't ya? :)

My '30 Before 30' list?! I'll break it down for ya'll.

1. (Another) Bikini/Figure comp: self explanatory. I'll probably do more than one, but I want to know that I am ready!
2. Travel out of the US: Mexico, Europe, AUSTRALIA?! (my dream)
3. Parasail: never have. Looks amazing.
4. Take a cooking class: I'm decent at it, but it would be so fun!
5. Take ballroom lessons: I did in college and LOVED it. I would love to do it again (with an actual [guy] partner. Hi Blake. :) )
6. Piano lessons: I did when I was in middle school and I quit. I wish I wouldn't have.
7. Kiss a dolphin: Because who wouldn't want that picture op?
8. Write a short novel: lifetime accomplishment I've always wanted to do.
9. Deep sea fishing: because Jaws 1, 2, 3, and Revenge still couldn't hold me back from attempting to catch a sword fish or a huge grouper! ...Okay, maybe they could. But I will take some Dramamine and try not to think about it.
10. Handstand walk: it's all about learning new things.
11. Take pottery (painting) class: I took ceramics in college, but I would love to make my own work and paint it for fun instead of a grade ;)
12. Boxing: I can kickbox...but I don't know the first thing about straight up boxing. And I need a new way to take out my frustrations.
13. Dance in front of a crowd: I miss performing and dancing. Period.
14. Zipline: Whether it's in (old) downtown Las Vegas or above the trees in Hawaii, I would love to feel like I'm flying. :)
15. Plan and Redecorate a room in my house: My mom is really good at this...so I hope it rubbed off.
16. Make sushi (hopefully I'll like it by then): I've tried it, but I would like to learn how to make it. Still developing a taste for it---lol.
17. Hosting a family holiday: I missed my calling as a party planner.
18. Tattoo of a cardinal (or a cardinal feather): My grandpa loved birds, and I specifically remember him loving cardinals. I've always wanted a tattoo that represents him...this shall be it.
19. Hike a mountain: Give me the challenge. And I want to take a pic of conquering the challenge.
20. Sleep under the stars: grab me a bottle of wine, some blankets, silence, and my boo.
21. Take a self defense class: while I'm sure my kickboxing instincts would kick in, I'd like to know what the heck I'm doing!
22. Bury a time capsule: Because it would be so fun when I'm 75 to dig it up!
23. Visit an out of state friend: I need to travel more.
24. Build a piece of furniture: because I'd like to look at something that I built rather than just painted or refurbished in my home.
25. Learn how to sew: My mom won't be around forever to fix my stuff. It's a dying art that I want to learn.
26. Attend an MLB or NFL game: I attended a Phillies game a couple of years ago and I had a blast! I'd love to attend a professional game again.
27. Volunteer @ an animal shelter: You'll find me in the cat room ;) or leaving with a dog.
28. Learn Spanish or French: yet again, a challenge I would love to accomplish. So when I travel, I can speak to the locals and interact with them. :)
29. A veggie/fruit garden: I like to think I have a green thumb.
30. Climb to the top of a lighthouse: because I don't visit the beach enough, and it would be a glorious view. :)

5 Months Later...

Staring at my phone for minutes, hours on end.

Anxiously awaiting the call or text my entire family had been waiting for.

Let's rewind.

It's coming up on a year when my sister told us she was expecting. See the reaction HERE.

My mom and I had been given boxes that were VERY light. Vacation? Lol...no. Even better.

Eventually, it came to be known that my sister was pregnant with twins.

One night in June, she had text myself and our friend, Melissa, saying she was going to the doctor. She wasn't feeling well. Typical for an expecting mama, right? Perhaps it was slight shock setting in for me, but I just went on with my day.

A while later, a short to-the-point-text of, "I'm heading to the U by ambo," lit up my phone. All that was going through my head was, "WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!" What did it mean? I was absolutely clueless as to how my sister was really feeling and what was going on.

I'm usually in bed by 9/9:30pm...I got a call around 9:45pm saying that my sister was going to have to have the boys tonight. I can't exactly tell you my next thoughts...perhaps something along the lines of, "HOLY SH*T!"

My dad and step mom drove through Ames to pick me up. The boys had already been brought into the world by this time.

The boys were something close to 7 weeks early.

Not realizing how crazy having babies early is (it's common for twins), I entered my sisters hospital room with ease. Half due to the hour we showed up at the hospital. She was well. I was happy to see her in good spirits, but could also see how much her body was hurting. I can't imagine...She's a McGrath though...Tough stuff, for sure! ;)

We were escorted to the NICU, where we got our name tags and signed in. I had NO idea what I was in for heading to this part of the hospital...

Walking anxiously into the boys' room, I was greeted by my mom, the boys' other grandma, and grandpa. Just for giggles, of course, I didn't have a filter on the volume of my voice, I definitely remember a "HIIII!" screeching from my mouth. (The NICU is a very quiet place at 2AM!)

As I turned to their beds, I couldn't help but get super emotional. So many things were going through my head..."They're here!" "Oh my gosh, I'm an aunt!" "They're so little!" but what just did it in for me was seeing the feeding tube and all of the cords they were connected to and there was nothing I or anyone else could really do to help them.

Today is World Prematurity Day. At almost 5 months, my nephews are more than 3x the size they were when they were born...

I can't help but be SO in love with these two. Can you blame me?! 

The Colors

I'm quite certain I have never elaborated on some of the finer things that happened on my trip to Hawaii this [past] June.

That's been 5 months, already? Huh...

Anyways, I was scrolling through Facebook today and found this photo of the resort I stayed at...

 

If I were to say one thing that I will never forget about that trip, it would be the colors. This photo is probably touched up a little, but honestly, my mind remembers this being exactly what it looked like. It was so rich and satisfying to my brain. A mushy, melting-in-a-good-way feeling, if you will. I was so mesmerized at how beautifully calm it was. The sun made you feel the perfect amount of warm, never too hot (IMO).

There were multiple times I'd stop whatever I was doing during the trip to inhale a deep breath and open my eyes on the exhale...I knew this wouldn't last forever and I'd soon forget the feeling. Sadly, I have forgotten what it smelled like, and the cleanliness of the air that I inhaled. But the colors...never.

One of the mornings, I woke up and went on a run by myself. And to be honest, I've never ran so fast in my life. Haha! It was the Hawaiian oxygen! I'm telling ya...
I ended up at a beach at a neighboring resort. Just a few people were up getting their day started. The sun had just barely peaked over the horizon and the colors of the sunrise were exactly what you would picture...the [most] perfect pink, yellow, and orange. I remember turning my music down, taking my shoes off, and sitting right next to the water. (Typical movie scene, right?) The sand was so soft and still warm from the day before. I totally cheesed it the entire time...I watched mini black crabs, which are called 'A' ama, scurry across the sand and rocks to eat...whatever it is that they eat. Those guys move quickly...the slightest shift of my leg and they were gone.

The day we went snorkeling is one I will also never forget. The sun, makes the water the clearest blue/green you've ever seen and I can still feel the slight chill of the water as I dove in [dolphins hundreds of feet away]. The bright colors of the coral and the different kinds of fish and urchins made my heart beat out of my chest I was so excited. Not to mention...the SHARK that swam right underneath [our group]. Probably one of the coolest things I have ever seen. Those suckers are FAST a gift from Mother Nature. I'm not sure what type it was...He was big enough to eat one of my limbs--that I do know.

Some days, I wish I was still there. But, until next time, the memories I do have are spectacular and I hope you get to experience Hawaii some day. Absolutely worth it.

 

Let's jump right into it, shall we?

The last weekend was one for the books. I would, honestly, put it in the front of the "books." It was so much FUN! Everything I have sacrificed, changed, and created as a [new] habit, the countless hours spent in the gym, the aching muscles, the endless cardio sessions has been so worth it. I cannot wait to do it again! (Hello, SPRING 2016--I'm coming for you!)

I have to be honest...When I started this in June, I was pretty sure I wouldn't step on stage. I didn't know what the future was holding for me. I wanted to do it, but if you haven't seen my Instagram *first off, what the heck?! And second off, here's part of one of my posts post-show this weekend that might explain reasons why...

In 2013, I cut out a picture of a bikini competitor and put it on my wall. I looked at it every day for the past two years. In 2014, I attempted to train for a show & was not mentally ready so I quit. I worked extremely** hard on myself and my personal growth for a year and a half. Don't think it's just all glitz, glam, dark tans, and a bunch of broccoli and cardio obsessed people. It's a group of fighters, encouragers, go-getters, focused, driven people who set high expectations for ourselves and work harder when we don't meet them, and [[most importantly]] humans. Being hungry, tired, having weird cravings, bad days, tears, set backs, and obstacles to overcome definitely happen. It's hard work! Yesterday, my dream came true...I stepped on stage with a beautiful group of women. My mind was in the right place and the feeling was like no other. ✨ One of the best feelings I've ever had. I will take every single thing I learned in the last 24 hours and apply it to my plan for my next one! Cuz imma ‪#‎GoGetta

When I started at the beginning of the summer, I was in WAY different shape. Not happy with myself AT ALL. I weighed something around 153# on a good day. In August, I found myself at a point where I needed to decide what I was going to do. A relationship I had been in a for a couple of years had ended and I was at a "fork in the road," if you will. There were a LOT of people that would say, "everything happens for a reason." And this is when I would roll my eyes, stop listening to what they were saying, and break down inside when I would rather be punched in the stomach. But I remember the exact moment--day, where I was, what I was doing... when I snapped out of it...I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and get going. To be very raw, the few weeks prior to this moment, I felt like I was living in hell--to put it lightly. This was my test. I found myself stepping out of my comfort zone in more ways than one. I participated in the MAT Games, an individual CrossFit competition---which I have never done, and did very well...8/66 competitors! Whoop! Prepping for this show, and moving to name a few other things. There were days when I questioned what I was doing, why I was doing it, what my intention and purpose was...sometimes I figured it out, sometimes I didn't and I was OK with that. I'm very grateful to anyone and everyone that I crossed paths with at that time and especially the very few who asked if I was OK. <---That meant the most. 

So fast forward to this last weekend...WOW. I walked on stage a completely different weight (by 20#) and person than when I started. I can't exactly describe the feeling. I remember a feeling much like this one when I was in dance and we would be performing. I believe at one point when I was on stage this weekend, I blacked out. I've seen some pictures and I'm like, "when was I there?" And the poor girls that had to listen to me swear up a storm right before we went on, I'm so sorry! ...I think I said F#$% approximately 265x before each appearance. HA! But to put it simply, I had a BLAST.

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Here are a few simple things to know about these competitions, from my perspective.

1. I lived on egg whites & broccoli. Chicken was an option. But I'm weird about meat. Don't ask. I never got sick of the egg whites. But the broccoli--different story--when I did switch it up on the veggie, I wasn't happy with myself. :P
2. You have to shave your ENTIRE body. (Or well, it's recommended)...I went home over my lunch on Friday before the show to do this. I had never shaved my arms before...it was actually a little sad for me. RIP cute, blonde arm hairs.
3. NO deodorant before or after your spray tan. I didn't have deodorant on from noon Friday until about 8pm Saturday night. It was not fun...but I gave 0 f#$%s. It was worth it. (Apparently it can turn your spray tan a different color---green?!)
4. (It's highly recommended to have) your suit glued to you. I never understood until I got on stage. If I didn't have that bad boy glued to me, it would have migrated to unknown territories. HA!
5. Know exactly where they are in the line up. I was trotting around backstage, shoeless, not glued, and not glazed yet thinking I could prance around and talk to people. A lady walked back stage and asked for the bikini girls to line up "RIGHT NOW" because we were next. I'm pretty sure the tanning peeps saw the look of sheer terror on my face because they turned me around, glued me, glazed me, and put my shoes on in a matter of <20 seconds. WHEW!  Thank you, ladies!
6. EAT before you go on stage. I made the mistake of NOT eating. I completely forgot. My nerves were all over the place and my muscles felt like they were going to fly out of my skin. Idk if eating would have helped, but I'm sure it would've helped the "blacking out" that I think I did.
7. Prepare to be on stage for >10 minutes.
8. If you're in more than one class, think wisely about your strategy. I was in 3. In. a. row. I remember being on stage for the first round, and I was like, "There's no way in hell I will be able to do this 2 more times." It's tiring, folks. It's more than just looking good and turning in circles.
9. Petroleum jelly. Thank you, drill team for teaching me how this works. Put some on your teeth before you go on stage. EVERY time. I would've had cotton/dry mouth NO doubt without this stuff.
10. Get to know the other competitors. They went through the same, possibly more, shit than you did. Encourage each other, laugh, talk about stupid things...Be real. It's so worth it. I loved every single person I talked to over the weekend. They were all beautiful, handsome, and respectful. Such a great group of people. I could go on and on about them.
11. Have FUN. Seriously...nothing to stress about. You made it as far as to put on the suit, tan, and shoes (if you're a girl)...so why not enjoy the time you get on stage? I'm pretty sure that one specific person had to tell me this MULTIPLE times before I got what he was trying to tell me. Thank youuuu ;)
    
    I don't remember what songs were playing, but I know I sure did enjoy them and incorporated my actual personality in my posing and T-walk.

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I cannot wait to get my butt back on stage, pick a new suit color, get a stupidly dark shade of a tan (pretty sure I got sprayed 5x!), skip the deodorant for over 24 hours, sweat my ass off, get muscle twitches like no other, and most of all...IMPROVE, again.

Now for your enjoyment...

Deuces for the win!



June 2015 - October 2015

Straight up LOVED the tan!

NO idea what I would've done without this girl. Thank you x a milli Taryn!
*She carried my Caboodle around for me! :P

Like this photo for example...I do NOT ever remember being in the middle.

I only ate one of these...but it was really good! :)

My AMAZING friends that came to support me!

Taryn...simply a heart of gold. She's brought me out of the dark a time or two. I thank God for her every single day.  

Hailey. Ah <3 She's my inspiration. I wouldn't have done this without her or her transparentness with me. I love her so much<3

Cora. <3 I love her to the moon and back. I have never met someone more dedicated and supportive of those around her in my life. So selfless. Beautiful. Love it! 

The sweetest, Lilly bear! She got on stage and got to strut her stuff and flex like mommy and Mollie! She asked me to wear her necklace before I went on stage. I should've said yes ;)

 I learned a lot about myself, others, and life in general through this experience. I am so thankful for it and my coach, Ryan. I can't say enough thanks to him for putting up with me and my random, commonsense answer questions! What a gem!

Here's to prepping for the 2016 season!

Gems!

Here we are. 2 weeks and counting, guys!

We are [officially] tracking sodium.

Ugh.

Guess what has sodium in it? :(

EVERY THING. EV.ER.Y.THING!

It's bizarre. No wonder humans die.

Anyways...we are just TRACKING it for the time being.

 

I have no idea what's next as far as the sodium thing.

That's all I have for you besides...these gems came today!

 

 

I wish you could see them in person. WOW! <3 Great choices on my part!

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As far as weekend plans go...tonight calls for some much needed time with my good friend Brittney. We're heading to dinner and then to watch one of our high school classmates/friends band perform at my parents' bar!

Cheers! ...With water. :( ha.

Mermaid Status

Ahh! Hello, weekend! ...Almost.

 

Now that the weeks are getting closer to the show date, they sure do move a heck of a lot faster. (Gulp!)

I found a few people messaging me due to my lack of attendance at CrossFit this week which makes me sad, but here's the scoop.

Two things are happening...

1. My sleep schedule has been weird. Simply put. 5AM hasn't been doable because I need to sleeeep!
2. Although I love CrossFit...a lot...I have been doing triggered area workouts at the (open weights) gym. It's not as fun without the accountability and encouragement, but it's what needs to be done right now.

You used to find me at the 5AM class, buuuut recently, when I do go, it's been in the PM.
Lots of love goes out to the 5AMers...I miss you!

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In other news, I'm sure glad the weekend is here.

I could feel the lack of energy I had this week tightening up some loose ends in my meal plan. I'm hoping my body adjusted properly to me backing off even more of the brown carbs and inputting more greens [this last week]. Next week should be a different story. :)

 

I'm lucky enough to be able to meet with my coach in person. He's really great. He even helps me work on posing! Which, as a former dancer, isn't all that bad to me. It's tapping back into that confidence I had when I would perform x years ago. HA!

It's fun though. Every second I spend in front of a mirror, I'm doing the whole shebang or just hitting one of the poses to make sure that, even dressed, I look confident and poised. It works some muscles you forget you have! I'm pretty sure if anyone watches the cameras at the gym, they think I'm a total goon.

In the mean time, have you seen my suit yet?! >Mermaid Statuuuus< <3

 

 

Coming to you October 2015

Whoa! HI!
I feel like I go on these spurts....riiiight?

I have to fill you in on my life. I've had at least a hand full of people ask me to start blogging again so they know what's up!

The big thing on my plate right now is prepping for a "bodybuilding" competition at the end of October. Yes, you read that right. October 24th to be exact. I've kept it on the DL until I knew for sure I would be stepping on stage. I'll be competing in the bikini novice and open categories. (There's other categories for women such as: figure, bodybuilding, ect.)

 If you were around about a year and a half ago, I started to prep for one but just wasn't mentally ready for the challenge. I was constantly upset, hungry, and just didn't have it together. Apparently, this is more common than I thought.

I've worked really hard on my thought process, emotions, reactions, stability, yada yada since. AKA, I've dug a TON into personal development, gone through some weird changes, and didn't know I wanted to give it another shot until one of my friends was all in and encouraged me to do it.

So...fast forward to now.

I started at the end of May. I was very confident I would see results quickly. Wellll...that wasn't exactly the case. I did (do) CrossFit, and for months, I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. It obviously took a toll on me. In other words, it KILLED my metabolism. Or "I" killed my metabolism.

It took from the end of May to about the beginning of August for me to finally see something worthwhile. Granted, there were things that came up that definitely expedited the process. Take a looksy.

Left: May 2015
Middle: July 2015
Right: September 2015

 

I hear a LOT of people say, "you didn't need to lose anything before." Or something related. I know this. BUT ***I*** wasn't satisfied. To be very honest, eating the way I did (really crappy) showed at the gym. My endurance was way down, strength movements hurt every joint (including my back injury--OWIE!), and I wouldn't get anything besides an appetite for junk food out of the workouts.

 

I hope to keep you updated on the next 3 weeks on how I'm feeling, what's going on, and how anxious I am. I'll be very honest, raw, and keep it positive. Don't you worry! :)

Lately, I've been losing body fat pretty quickly. This makes me cold. All the time. Lol. I must wear a scarf EVERYWHERE. So here's to fighting some hardcore cravings for chocolate and chips and salsa! :)

OH and yesterday, I signed my entry form and shipped er off! It's OFFICIAL, folks. :|